So, my prodigal spouse / ex-wife / thorn in the flesh… whatever you want to call her, is at it again. I have to go to court, once again to fight for my right to be with my children half the time. She seems to have unlimited financial resources and nothing better to do than re-hash this custody thing again and again until she can eliminate me from her life. My desire to be a part of my children’s lives is a serious inconvenience for her. Sadly, my practicing grace and being cooperative over the last two years has put me in a situation where she could win. Apparently, I should have been uncooperative, unyielding, and generally mean-spirited and stubborn.
I know that these are “circumstances” and that God is bigger than all of this, but I’m becomming very tired. I am growing weary. I am running out of money. I need the strength that only the Holy Spirit can offer… I am so tired.
Who my true enemies are
So, I know that my struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. I know this, but I am tired. Some days, I just long to ask God to put my prodigal spouse in a diabetic coma for a month or two so that I can have some peace. I’m just so sick of the daily harassment. I’m so sick of constantly being given situations that I need to react to. I hate feeling like every co-parenting decision is a choice between following Jesus and maintaining my tactical advantage in court and that they are mutually exclusive. I know He is in control, but so far, I’m not seeing any divine intervention in the arena of my custody fight. I just need to tag out of this ring and have Him fight for me a little bit. I am so tired.
Answers to prayer
I know that He answers prayer! I know that He speaks to hearts and changes people. I know because I’ve seen it… in everyone but my ex-wife. She becomes more conniving, evil, and bitter every day. She now attends Bible study regularly, listens to Christian radio in her car, and teaches our children a Christian homeschooling curriculum. Yet, she is still consumed by darkness. I know I need to keep praying for her. I’m so tired… It’s taking all of my strength not to pray against her. I need you. Yes, you. If you’re reading this, I need you to stop and pray for me and for her right now. I need you to pray that these rulers, authorities, powers of this dark world, and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms would give over this attack. I feel tired, oppressed, and defeated. I need to remember that I have the victory through Him. Oh how I long to shout this victory from the mountaintops, lighting up this online network of believers with stories of His great deliverance.
Father, for your name sake, show up and deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. Let me not be put to shame, Lord, for I have cried out to you!