Vent

Let me tell you about my week.

My ex-wife / the prodigal spouse / whatever you want to call her has really upped her game.

In addition to regular text message harassment, and I mean harassment, she has made several legal, but highly unusual maneuvers to make sure I don’t see my children for most of the Month of December. She has also managed to schedule the time I do have my children full of events running back and forth to where she lives, 90 minutes away.

Finally, My Ex-wife changed our children’s dentists (without consulting me) and gave the dentist her address as the children’s primary address. The dentist sudsc_0363-2bmitted to my insurance with her address. Now my insurance will not pay the claims unless I provide legal documentation of my custody rights. this means that I now need to pay my attorney (likely a couple hundred bucks) to process and submit the correct forms. The dentist is now regularly contacting me about these unpaid claims. I love how I keep paying for her evil and betrayal over and over again in a million little mundane ways.

Just to recap:

  • She left me for another man.
  • She forced a divorce on me that I did not want.
  • She has tried numerous times to remove me from our children’s lives.
  • She consistently undermines me, manipulates me, and harasses me.
  • She is re-married.

There have been some well-meaning brothers and sisters who have recently posted here in the comments:

  • That I am sinning by dating someone new.
  • That I have prayed for my estranged wife out of a place of selfishness.
  • That I am selfish for loving a new woman:
    • That has been abandoned.
    • That deserves to be loved.
    • That treats me like a human instead of like trash.
    • Whose son desperately needs a father.

Bear in mind that I

  • Refused the divorce for as long as I legally could.
  • Tried to reconcile.
  • “Stood” for more than 2 years, wearing my ring the whole time.
  • Prayed desperately for my prodigal spouse’s
    • Deliverance
    • Salvation
    • Rescue
    • Freedom from deception

I consistently asked God to show me what He would have me do, and He consistently gave me signs, little miracles, and regular provision.

Finally, he made the ultimate provision for me, in the form of a woman that I love deeply and who loves me for all the reasons that my ex-wife hates me. In my uncertainty, He has consistently confirmed that I am in the right place, in His will.

So, standers and non-standers, I feel I need to encourage you with the following:

  1. Standing for your marriage is good.
  2. God can and does often bless it.
  3. You may or may not be “called” to do so.
  4. Sometimes the other person’s heart is too hard or they were never saved to begin with.
  5. Moving on and loving someone else will not doom you to hell for eternity.

I’m sure I will get a lot of differing thoughts in comments. That’s fine. I welcome your feedback, and I’ll likely approve your comments. Just know that if you have time to reprimand me, you also have time to pray for me, and that is always welcome.

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7 comments

  1. Hey there. Remember me?
    I hope you are well. This will be my last comment on here. I wanted to apologize because I know I was someone who held a (too) strong belief that standing was the ONLY option for us and must be kept up for life. As I started to take a break from our little group and the Standing-based websites, I starting changing my mind some but still couldn’t see how it was possible for us to ever remarry. I am sorry for all comments I made that implied that we are essentially doomed singleness due to the sin of our first spouses. Truly, I am sorry for that.
    I know it was right for me to stand for some time. I ended up doing it for far too long though and couldn’t seem to figure out why I felt so much unease while doing so. I was constantly questioning my stand. I now know that was the Holy Spirit moving in me but I was so bull-headed I wouldn’t listen. I wanted things MY way and couldn’t possibly see how anything else could be better for me.
    THEN I finally had ENOUGH. I prayed to God and told him that I didn’t entirely understand all that was happening and I wasn’t sure if it was right by Him if I would ever be with someone else. but that if and only IF it was His will, to please free me from standing and bring me a good, strong Christian man. I requested that he either have children or that we could have children together, again, only if His plan was for me to have a family. Lastly, I knew that based on the trials I faced in my own life during the past, I hope for a man who had dealt with “stuff” of his own. My prayer was specific, totally heartfelt, and for the first time….it REALLY truly put everything in Gods hands-His will be done. I also told Him, during that prayer, that if it was His will for me to remain alone, then let it be so.
    A few days later, I just happened to walk by the house of a strong, handsome, Christian man with three children who had lost his 1st wife to death and faced many, many trials in life. He is an overcomer. I had walked by his home literally probably hundreds of times before this…without ever making contact with him. He happened to be home that day because he had taken the day off work. I walked home stunned….wondering if it was possible for my prayer to be answered so EXACTLY. Of course, it was. I am in love. We are planning to marry. This is better than ANYTHING I could have ever dreamed of. There is no doubt Gods hand is on this. His will is so SO GOOD. I have never, ever felt so blessed and loved by God–the Holy Father who truly cares about His children and has a plan for us that only He knows.
    I am telling you all this in hope that it helps you to see how wonderful things will be for you. God has a plan and I pray that you will continue to embrace Him, as well as the others from the group. I was wrong in thinking that Standing was the only way and I have been humbled. Please forgive for my misbehavior. I do not have the info to get back into the Palringo group or I would have posted this here. I suppose it is my testimony.
    Blessings and prayers to you and yours.
    Cortney_Sofia

    1. Wow!!! Just wow! I can’t believe how much our testimonies are alike. I have made many of the same comments. I came to the same conclusions… it took a while, but the Holy Spirit brought me there. I prayed a very similar prayer to yours. I have been answered in the most unbelievable way. I am so blessed to hear that you are experiencing similar joy.

      Thank you so much for your testimony.

      Blessings.

      1. Wow—the deception! And you clearly don’t see it. The devil is very good at what he does. He turns God’s will and truth to lies to comfort us. I pray that we all seek holiness before happiness. God bless

      2. If I am deceived and God wants to destroy another marriage to restore me back to a home of abuse, manipulation, and neglect at the hands of my ex wife, I am sure that He will make that abundantly clear. For now, that seems highly unlikely…

  2. Hi. I don’t know if you still check this blog or are responding to comments. I was just wondering if you are still happy with your decision to finally just stop standing and walk away? Do you have any regrets? Trust me these aren’t loaded questions and there is not judgement here. I am genuinely interested because clearly I am kind of getting to the same place myself and wondering if there is life on the other side of all of this. I know I have to seek God for my true answer but would really like to know if you are honestly good with where you are right now. Thank you! 🙂

    1. Christina,

      Thanks for reading and reaching out. I am very happy with my decision.

      First of all, I feel that God has definitely brought my new girlfriend into my life. I have asked for signs, and He has affirmed it again and again. Second, it is very obvious how incredibly dark and empty my relationship was with my ex wife and how much she emotionally and mentally abused me. She has heart and her heart, and now I’m OK with that. I wouldn’t want to go back to what I had before. My new girlfriend is supportive, loving, Godly, and actually treats me like a human being.

      My “prodigal”, as they say is trying to take full custody of the kids again, desiring to push me out of their lives. If I didn’t have such an amazing supportive woman by my side, I would be an absolute mess right now.

      Again, I’m not telling you that this is the right course for you. That’s between you and God.

      I will add you to my prayers. Blessings.

      C.

      1. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. That is wonderful! I do think that sometimes people get so caught up in the “stand” that everything is black and white for them. I honestly know for a fact there is a grey area and my brother, who lives his entire life to honor Jesus and has for years, got divorced years ago and remarried after his first wife cheated and refused to let go of that relationship. His 2nd marriage is going on 20 years and they have a fantastic, Godly and fruitful marriage. On the other side I do know that some people are definitely called to stand for their marriage and those turn around too. I am deeply sad for you about your children and I will pray for you as well. I like the verse in Deuteronomy 3:22. It gives me such confidence. Like if God HIMSELF is fighting for me well then who can top that right! I will pray that over you and your situation. God Bless you and you transparency on this blog!

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