Love, Faith, Fear, and the Eraser

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭18‬ NIV)

Some rights reserved by KristinNador

Some rights reserved by KristinNador

I’ve noted before, on this blog, that God does not save us from the fire, but stands with us in it. The question is, will we get burned, and how does one quantify the burn? Todd White raises an interesting and frightening point when he says, “if it’s about you, you will get eaten and you will get burned” (Todd White). That’s frightening. I am in a divorce, one of the most painful ordeals of anyone’s life and am expected to make Godly and wise decisions concerning my children in the midst of that ordeal. Every day, I question, how much of my reactions, thoughts, and feelings are about me and how many are about God and my kids? Then, the enemy is constantly involved, framing the messages of my spouse in such a way to make me look selfish and unreasonable if I disagree at all. How much truth and how much manipulation exists in those arguments? How do I know when to die to self and when to stand against something? What am I supposed to do? It’s difficult to think clearly in the heat of battle. That still small voice is hard enough to discern when one is at peace.

Today, it really sunk in that my family is going to the beach in three days with a counterfeit in my place. That is EVIL and no one is standing up against it. I want to just scream at them all! It feels so wrong and unjust and unfair and every one just seems to wish I would “go away” or “disappear” so they could get on with their lives and pretend nothing happened. It so much more difficult to die to self when those around you actually wish you where dead. That’s not pessimism or depression. That’s just an observation. My wife, my in laws, and my neighbor’s lives would be made much more convenient if they could simply erase me from the picture. Then, the little fantasy that everything is okay, and nothing is amiss would have no interruptions. Unfortunately, I am here, asking for things like being able to see our children on a pretty regular basis, to have a say in where they’ll live and where they’ll go to school.

So, I ask Him to give me my daily bread, equipping me for each battle as it comes up. I cry out to Him daily and do my best to trust Him to care for me and speak on my behalf.

In you, Lord my God,
I put my trust.
I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause. (Psalm 25:1-3)

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. I know that you are familiar with Rejoice Marriage Ministries. I listened to one of the archived conference calls a few months ago. It was a wife with a restored marriage giving her testimony. I can’t remember which one, but I’ll go back and check if you want to listen to it. One part really stuck with me. She said that there were situations that happened when they were divorced that she thought she would just have to forgive and accept- things she just thought “well I just have to live with the memory of that.” What she didn’t expect was that God would redeem all parts of their story. He promises that we won’t be humiliated. And His promises are true. So, right now you can’t see it or understand how it could even be done. But His ways are not our ways. And he will redeem this too. He will restore the years the locusts have eaten. Believe it. Meditate on it until it gets down into your soul. Because our God is more than able!!! Do not believe the lies the enemy whispers to you. He has no power over you or your life.

    1. I do believe that. That is why I zip the lips and refrain from confronting those around me. It’s difficult to hear men and women, whom you’ve always seen as Godly, say things about “moving on with my life” as though this is just how things are. I know the truth, but the circumstances still hurt. Now, if I could just rest in Him and “wait” on His perfect wisdom.

    2. C,

      I just keep rereading this comment again and again. Thanks for the encouragement. I’m holding onto Him redeeming all parts of this story, as i cling to Him, with all of my might.

      Thanks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s