Surrender is so hard…

Rhema or Insomnia?

Rhema or Insomnia?


Help me today. I am struggling so much. My mood is as dark as this rain filled sky today, Lord. I know that my struggle is not against my spouse and this other man, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). I have no doubt about your power to restore my marriage. God, I know that you are able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, according to Your power that is at work within me (Ephesians 3:20). I know you can restore my marriage, but I question whether you will. Oh, that you would speak to me clearly! Forgive my wasted years and hear this broken sinful man! Have mercy on me and hear my cry!

I am trying desperately to forget the former things; to not dwell on the past. I know that you are doing a new thing, but I do not perceive it (Isaiah 43:18-19). I know that you have plans for me, and you say that they are plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). I am trying desperately to Be strong and courageous; to not be afraid or discouraged because of my circumstances, for there is a greater power with me than with those against me (2 Chronicles 32:7).

Help me, in Jesus name, help me to seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness, and all these things will be given to me as well (Matthew 6:33). Help me to have faith enough in your good will, your perfect plan for me, and your timing to surrender totally to you. Open my eyes, Lord, so that I may see. Show me the hills full of horses and chariots of fire (2 Kings 6:17). I know that if I make You my dwelling, my refuge, that no harm will befall me, no disaster will come near to my tent. For You will command Your angels concerning me to guard me in all my ways (Psalm 91:9-11). You heal the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds (Psalm 147:3), God, and I am brokenhearted! Hold me! Comfort me! Remind me again and again to Rejoice! Let my gentleness be evident to all. Remind me that You are near. Help me not to be anxious about anything, not my divorce, not my finances, not what my spouse is doing, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, to present my requests to You. Fill me then with your peace, which transcends all understanding, and guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. Allow me to put off thoughts of my wife, the other man, and my past and to meditate upon whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, and anything that is excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:4-8).

I know that you have said that I must have faith in You and whatever I ask for in prayer, I may believe that I have received it, and it will be mine (Mark 11:22, 24). Help me to rest in that promise today, Lord. There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against YOU (Proverbs 21:30). Help me to never be shaken, filling me with your righteousness. May I have no fear of bad news. May my heart be steadfast, trusting in YOU. Make my heart secure, having no fear, and in the end I will look in triumph on my foes (Psalm 112 6-8). Help me to see that you are not only mighty but also good and loving. Help me to believe that you really care about me and my marriage. May the scripture I received some nights ago, in the dark of the morning, ‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty” (Haggai 2:9), be a Rhema Word from you and not merely  the vain striving of a man driven mad with grief and desperation.

Once again, God, I come now boldly and freely into your presence, freely asking these things according to your will, sure that you’re listening, confident that what I’ve asked for is as good as mine. So, I pray for my beloved and ask that you give her life (1 John 5:13-16). Give her an undivided heart and put a new spirit in her; remove from her her heart of stone and give her a heart of flesh. Then she will follow Your decrees and be careful to keep Your laws. We will be your people, and You will be our God (Ezekiel 11:19-20). Lord, fill her with Godly sorrow that brings repentance, leads to salvation and leaves no regret (2 Corinthians 7:10). Send her a personal Damascus road experience soon, God. I believe that nothing is too hard for you you. Forgive me of my sins and lead me to repentance so that I will be ready. Then, go and bring her home quickly, Lord!

Oh God, today I am indeed sowing with tears! Oh that I would reap with songs of joy! (Psalm 126:5). God, help me to stand firm, knowing that this battle is yours (Exodus 14:12-14  & 2 Chronicles 20:16-18). Throw this mountain into the sea, God (Mark 11:23). I beg you for your blessed assurance today. You say in Luke, that you will freely give of your Holy Spirit, and I need it. Help me, Jesus, help me…

In Jesus name,





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