Am I putting God first? That’s my question for today. I’ve been feeling like a fake lately. I’ve had that sinking feeling that even though I’m standing in prayer and following his will, that I am a fake and somehow far from God. A lot of this is is clearly attacks of doubt and accusation from Satan. Satan is a liar and will attack me in every way he can. I’ve been trying to take every thought captive and make it OBEDIENT to Christ. I am increasingly convicted, though, of the need to put God first. How do I do this? I keep praying that he will come before my wife and my desire for her return in my life. I am reading the Word daily. I am praying with every free moment. I keep praying that I will put Him first. Then in the next breath I am praying for her and looking around for trucks that may or may not even be in PA.
I feel like others can see the difference in my attitude, my behavior and my devotion to living a Christ-like lifestyle every day. I fear for my heart. I don’t know what to do. I am praying that Hebrews 12 is being written upon my heart. I’m trying hard not to be double minded. I have become increasingly aware that I am being scrutinized by fellow believers and those who do not have a relationship with Christ. I’m also being watched by my son. I’ve been so wrapped up in my pain that I haven’t been walking in the strength and victory I should have in Christ. How is my precious son going to want to embrace Christ when he rarely sees me smiling? Pray for me, brothers and sisters. Pray for me to walk in victory. Pray for my countenance. Pray that I will put God first and be sold out for him.
Meanwhile, my rhema word for today jumped out at me from 2 Peter 2:20-22 and scared me to tears. I am heavily burdened for my spouse. I cannot stop praying for her, though I must put Him first. Pray for me.